Southern Belles

I am a real southern belle. I am not ashamed of it. In fact, I embrace it. There is nothing embarrassing about being a southern belle. I know they will be portrayed as brainless twits on "The Help", but modern southern belles are anything but! Real southern belles are smart, savvy and engaging. They may be degreed, work, divorced, of any race or actually live somewhere other than the south.

The modern day Southern Belle is a lady first and foremost. Not to say she may from time to time engage in what Mama would declare an "un-lady-like" activity. Such activities might include wearing leather on a Harley, swilling beer from a bottle at a tailgate, dropping an occasional curse word during an appropriately timed hissy fit, or going around all weekend with NO makeup or lipstick. Today's Southern belle is tough-she can smile the whole time while negotiating with a salesman for a car, helping a dying friend thru chemotherapy or juggling a business, family, aging parents and a busy social schedule.

The Southern Belle is a dying breed. What traits do you see in a modern southern belle?


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The Cell Phone

I have decided that the cell is the greatest and worst invention of all time.  We can't live without it.  We can communicate instantly with the world via facebook, twitter, texts, and blogs.  But there was a day when we did not have a cell phone as an appendage to our hand.  Those were the good old days.  The beauty of cell phones is that they have voicemail.  If it is really urgent you can get the message even if it is two hours later.  What is so urgent that it can't wait a couple of hours.

I don't think the majority of the world has good cell phone manners.  So here are times when you should leave your phone in your car, your purse or turned off.  You should not text, twitter, facebook or talk on your phone during these times - for any reason at all!!!

1.  When you are talking face to face with another individual.  If you must answer a call - ask to be excused and walk away.

2.  When you are at the table eating a meal.

3.  When you are in church.

4.  When you are in a meeting with a client.

5.  When you are swimming.  Cell phones do not work well in the water.

6.  When you attending a funeral.

7.  When you are in a movie, at a play or in the theatre.

8.  When you are in the bathroom.  The toilet and the shower should not be shared with the world.

I would love to hear of other times when you think the phone should be put away.  I promise if you will put it away your life will be enriched by pleasant conversation, your attention will be focused where it should be and you will enjoy the meal so much more!



It's Hot

How do you stay cool in this dreadful heat?  When I was a child, I played in this heat all day long.  When I was a teenager in the band, I twirled and marched in this heat all day long.  When I was a young adult, I worked as a lifeguard and stayed outside on a chair all afternoon long.  Today as a middle-aged adult, I can hardly walk from the covered parking garage to the elevator of my office without sweltering.  I spend all my time indoors.  In the evening I gaze at my pool from the kitchen and refuse to get in the water because it is tepid. 

I have come to literally dread the Texas summer.  Each August I promise myself that NEXT summer, I plan to move to the mountains for a month and get out of the heat.  I really do plan to do that next summer.  Really!  I don't know how people who are required to work outside stand this miserable heat.

I have become a serious fall and winter fan.  September to March are my favorite months.  I love being able to build a fire, cook some soup and sit out on the patio and enjoy the breeze.  September is usually a bit warm for me but at least the evenings cool off enough that you can enjoy sitting outside.  Wishing your life away is never a good thing but come on September!

What are you doing to stay cool in this dreadful heat?

Tea Snob

I have become somewhat of a tea "snob."  After my lap band procedure, I had to give up soda pop so my new drink of choice is tea.  Iced tea.  Straight up. No sweetener with a slice of lime or lemon.  Preferably over crushed ice.  In my favorite Tervis tumbler.  I am pretty southern - but not enough to drink SWEET tea.  I don't like sweet stuff (except Billy Fox's coconut pie, Janice Holliday's ice cream cake, Bryce's peach pie or Beverly Watson's rum cake - maybe I do like sweets). 

So I have been on a voyage to see what kind of tea tastes best.  I have discovered that Community Tea is probably the best brewed tea there ever was.  It is smooth with no bitter taste. If you are traveling and don't have access to heat, you can't beat the Lipton Cold Brew.  My friend, Tam, turned me on to that little jewel up in Alaska.  Now when I travel I always carry a quart container and a bag or two of Lipton Cold brew.  Great tea when I get to my hotel room anytime!

As for fast food, Chicken Express or Dairy Queen are tops in tea.  Sonic has pretty good tea but maybe it is is just their crushed ice.  McDonald's has the cheapest tea - $1 for a large - except in airports and in Europe.  Most restaurants where you dine will always fix you a glass to go after lunch so you can enjoy it on the way back to the office.

So my dear friends and bloggers..........what is your favorite kind of tea?

Celebrations

This past week I had the opportunity to celebrate two great friends anniversaries.  I think the world loves a good "love story."  Every time I think of a happy couple I am reminded my parents and the wonderful example of marriage they set.

Great marriages don't just happen.  They are really a gift from heaven.  I am blessed beyond measure to have such a great husband.  I was doubly blessed this week to celebrate the Taylor's 25th anniversary withe them and the Ward's 52nd anniversary with them.

We had a fun champagne gathering while the party goers served as Guinna pigs for a couple of new recipes for me.  Watch next week and I'll post what I made and join me in wishing the two happy couples many more years of wedded bliss!

Giving Back

I learned alot from these two people.  My Mother is the quintessential Southern Belle.  She taught me how to write a proper thank you note, set a pretty table, and how to say please, thank you, yes mam' and no mam'.  She taught me the art of being a southern lady (or at least she tried).  My Father taught me how to use these skills to help other people.  I learned that writing a handwritten note to someone for no reason is really a ministry.  People love to receive a kind word or thought.  Having people in your home is the best way to celebrate friendship.  And using good manners makes people appreciate your upbringing.

I was blessed to have such wonderful parents.  They taught me that giving (regardless of how large or small the gesture) really is a ministry.  What have you given back lately?

Email Manners

I have been talking with friends lately about what constitues good email manners.  This is what I have come up with so far.

 

1. Make it brief .

2. Respond promptly.

3. Don’t forward chain letters and jokes. It clogs up someone’s mailbox.

4. Don’t expect privacy at your work email.

5. Don’t send forwards unless you cut/paste everyone out of the previous email.

6. Don’t answer a phone call with an email.

7. Use BCC if you send out a mass email.

8. Don’t snoop through your loved one’s email account.

9. Never check your email at the dinner table or when you are with others.

10. Never send an email for a group thank you or condolence.

My Top Ten Party Toolkit List

1. Use great trays………you can always find some really great trays rather than paper plates at garage sales or flea markets.


2. Either serve all finger foods or provide forks.


3. Have a backup appetizer. I always have a sleeve of crackers and cheese or a tub of great dip and pita chips on hand. Always.


4. Serve bite size desserts. People rarely want a full dessert after a huge dinner.


5. Use fresh flowers. They are cheap at Kroger or Tom Thumb.


6. Keep great candles on hand. They can make the house smell like a party in no time for guests who drop by unexpectedly.


7. Move dessert and coffee to away from the dinner table. People enjoy conversation in a different location than from the dinner table.


8. Don’t put the food table next to the bar area to avoid party traffic jams.


9. Wine is cheap – buy plenty and your friends will always feel welcome.


10. Use the good china – it’s why your Mother made you get it when you got married.

My Father's Tribute

My Daddy has been gone for a little over three weeks.  It has been the most difficult time in my life.  Below is the eulogy I did as read by Susan at the funeral:

Mr. Cagle, Principal, Coach Cagle, Uncle Buddy, RWC, Friend, Daddy and Grandaddy. So many roles Daddy held during his life and touched many lives throughout his 78 years here on earth. I think in a way we have been planning this service since March of 1974. Daddy said it was up to God when he died, but until he did, he planned to make every minute count and live life to the fullest.

My Daddy was and has always been a teacher and a life long learner. Even until his death he read every day and always tried to teach a lesson out of the simplest of things. He credited reading to his 3rd grade teacher, Mrs. Betty Crider and even took me to meet her long ago so that I would know the lady who unlocked the key to learning for him.

As a daughter growing up he taught me many things – some successfully and some he would claim not so great. He taught me how to parallel park, shoot a pistol, carve a turkey, how to load as much luggage as possible in the trunk of a car and check the oil in the lawnmower (which he now understands is not something I ever want to do again). He taught Carolyn how to hook up a washing machine and install a ceiling fan by phone. He taught Carolyn, Susan and me how to jump start a boat engine with a can of ether (again one of those things we hope to never have to do again).

Over the last few days I have heard so many wonderful stories about how he impacted so many lives of people I didn’t know, fellow classmates, members of the community, and student’s who passed through his classes. The underlying theme of all of these wonderful memories was of his willingness to lend a hand or an ear and stop and help someone in need. Daddy was a fine Christian whose life was devoted to helping people better themselves.

As I became a parent, he continued to teach me many things: patience, enjoying simple things with your child and the importance of the family meal. He told me not long after Jake was born that you really only owed your children three things in life. He said you owe it to them take them to church and lead them to Christ. You owe them a college education. And, you owe them a lifetime of love. I was blessed that he paid his debt to me and my sister during our lifetime.

I graduated from college in three years debt free. When I was in law school and Kenny was in dental school, Daddy and Jabo furnished cars, gas, groceries, clothes and so many other things that allowed us to get our degrees. He paid his debt. He often joked that there would really not be a big inheritance because he planned to enjoy all he made and live until the money ran out but he knew that Carolyn and I were ok because we had good educations and could always get a job.

Our house was always filled with love. Daddy loved family and friends. He had a heart full of love and always had enough for everyone. I know that I have disappointed him from time to time in my life, but I always knew that no matter what, I had his love. He was devoted to my Mother and loved her with all his heart for more than 51 years. He always put her first. Recently when they were both in the hospital (which was a first), every time I went into check on him, he would say shortly, “Now go down there and be with your Mother. I don’t want her to be alone. Please go check on her for me.”

As for the third thing, I will always cling to memory of him leading me to Christ. It was a Sunday night after revival. He knew I wanted to go down front, but I hesitated. After church that Sunday night, we sat on the front steps at our house and he explained to me what it meant to become a Christian. He asked me if I wanted to invite Jesus into my heart and he prayed with me on the front steps. I knew from that moment that I was a child of God. Again, he paid the debt he claimed a parent owed a child.

A friend reminded me on Sunday that while we hurt today because our Daddy has died, let’s rejoice and remember that Daddy lived. He will live in our hearts and we were blessed for having had him on this earth for 78 wonderful years.

I miss you so much Daddy every single day.  I wish I could hug you just one more time!
 
I love you!

This Week

It's been a week since my Daddy died.  I don't know the exact moment he died since he was out at the farm feeding the animals.  I know it was after 7 p.m. but before 8:30.  My Mother and our dear friend, Neilan, found him as he was walking to the goat pen.  We've found out so much about him this last week.  We have discovered that not a day went by that he did not try to help someone in some way.  He loved life and most of the people he met everyday on his journey through it.  Today has been tough for me but I am blessed by the memories I have of growing up with a wonderful father.  Not everyone gets to have their Daddy for 48 years.  I was blessed.    I miss you Daddy to the moon and back and I know Mom does too. 

My Daddy's Funeral

So sorry I haven't posted in a while but I've been busy planning my Daddy's funeral.  Southern funerals are a ritual.  You sign the book, take a pound cake or cheese and macaronni to the family, and attend the service.  I miss my Daddy.  I miss his laugh, his advice, his look that says I am in trouble.  I have loved the stories friends and students have shared.  I promise to be more diligent in my postings in the future.  He was larger than life and will be missed.

Monday at Home

Monday's at home are always so relaxing for me. Monday's are hectic at work which makes relaxing on my couch on Monday night so sweet.  I've go a great Chicken Tetrazinni in the oven, my PJ's and a glass of wine.  I am always enjoying Monday night TV and laying on my couch.    I should be up doing laundry, unloading the dishwasher and working on my closet.  Alas........it's the couch, TV and wine.  Enjoy Monday dear friends!

Mother's Day

What a great day with family.  Everyone except my sweet son came home to enjoy my sweet Mother on her special day.  We all missed Jake but Alaska is just a bit far to come home for the day!  My Mother is such a wonderful woman.  I could not have asked for a better mother.  I spent the day really just enjoying her.  We had lunch at her favorite restaurant, enjoyed a movie together and then went to Timothy's for a lovely dinner.  She likes it when we all get dressed up and go to what my son refers to as a "three-fork, two-spoon dinner."  My nephew and I cooked breakfast on Sunday morning and the whole family went to church and "packed the pew" for Mom.  She was so excited to have all of her little chickens in church with her.  After lunch we took her out to the local taco joint and enjoyed family fellowship again! 

Life just does not get any better.  (Except if Jake had been here with me)!

Hospital Queen

Today was a long long long day.  Actually, the last 48 hours have been pretty exhausting.  I am ready to get some sleep and some rest this weekend.

On Monday night my Daddy had what we thought was a heart attack, but was actually a medicine issue.  After another heart cath on Tuesday, they adjusted the meds and he will be home tomorrow.

The glitch was my Mother failed her stress test last week and had a heart cath this morning. We were so blessed they were able to stent her main artery to her heart and not have to do bypass surgery on several of them.

I am now the Queen of the hospital.  Mother was in ICU and Daddy was on the floor.  I ran back and forth between Mom's room and Daddy's room.  Every time I would get still, one would direct me to go and take care of the other one.  They care so much about each other and both of them take such good care of the other one.  I am so lucky that they are both still around and love each other so much!

It's been a long 48 hours but we are all ok - once again!

Easter Sunday

I am so looking forward to the Easter Weekend.  My family will begin arriving today and the house will be full of fun and fellowship!  There will be food and laughter, napping, cooking and enjoying the patio!  It will be a relaxing weekend. 

On Sunday we will make the mad dash for church- always arriving late.  Then its off to the Club for pictures and a delicious brunch.  Sunday afternoon will be spent napping and relaxing out by the pool with my favorite magazine - Southern Lady!

Blessed am I to have such a wonderful family.  And on this joyous occasion don't forget that HE arose!

Working on Saturday

I have the greatest job in the world! I am spending the day with clients-school folks who are working to solve the education crisis in Texas. They diligently work to make sure all kids in Texas are educated. The great part of my job is that these are also my friends and my heroes! They are making Texas a better place.

I am blessed to have such wonderful friends. Great people with big hearts-what a combination!


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The Hospital

It has been a long 24 hours.  Meetings all day followed by a dinner at the club.  Then off to stay at the hospital with my sweet youngest step-daughter.  While I am there all night, I get the call that my Daddy is on the way to the hospital with yet another episode with his heart.  Finally, this morning I am notified that a dear family friend is about to succumb to cancer after many years battling the disease. 

Hospitals are interesting places.  They patch you up, fix things that are broken and provide a quiet place to leave this earth when your time with loved ones is no more.  You see all emotions in a hospital from happiness, relief, pain, sadness and despair.  In the last 12 hours I have experienced all three. 

My stepdaughter had a successful surgery, my father is patched up again and ready to head home, and our friend has been told that the end is near while he endures the pain of end stage cancer. My hope is that regardless of the emotion you experience today, that you treat the day as though it may be your last and live your life to the fullest.

The Engagement

What an amazing event tonight.  The world will gather in Janehaven to celebrate the engagement of Laci and Brett.  This will be a fairy tale wedding for a princess.  The beginning of the wedding season starts tonight as we celebrate the love and future of this amazing couple. 

Tonight, guests will gather poolside to toast this lovely couple and enjoy the future Mr. and Mrs.  What an exciting time in this young couple's life as they move forward to celebrate this exciting day!

Downsizing

Why do you think more and more about downsizing as you get older. I have been with friends who are retiring, my parents who are retired and folks who are always talking about retirement. Why do I need a big house, 100 + pairs of shoes and a closet for both winter and summer clothes? What I need to is not necessarily to downsize but to simplify!

How do you simplify your life of 48 years? What do you begin to let go of and realize you no longer need? Do you still need the drawings your son had in first grade? Do you still need the box of sorority stuff you had from college? Do you still need more than 75 tee shirts from all the places you have ever visited in your life? Do you really need six different sets of wine glasses? Do you really need eight bathing suits? How many pairs of jeans are too many when you really only wear them occasionally on weekends?

 

What do you really need? You need family. The love of good friends. Your bible. An internet connection. A few groceries. A really comfortable pair of pajamas. A debit card. And some really good night cream. From today forward I really want to start focusing in life on the things that are really important. Stuff is not important. Relationships are what is really important. Your relationship with God, family and friends. I think I’ll go home and hug my dog and drink a glass of wine with my feet propped up! Happy Weekend.

Great Books

I read alot.  Unfortunately, I don't read for pleasure often enough.  This has been my new resolution for this year.  So far, I have managed to read only one book.  I love to read.  There is something magical about getting lost in the pages between the bindings.  Right now I am trying to read Water for Elephants.  I recently finished The Lincoln Lawyer.  My next book to read is Roses.   The greatest invention now is the Kindle.  You can have a book at your fingertips instantly.  Unfortunately, after you finish the book on Kindle, you cant' share it with a friend.   Hey....let's read.

Crass Casita & Spa

Since our move to the suburbs, we have always dubbed our house "Crass Casita & Spa".  We wanted it to be an inviting home where friends could come to visit, relax, laugh and rejuvenate.  This weekend is no exception.  Being reconnected with old friends, enjoying good conversation and wine by the pool is what life is all about.  Making money is great, have things makes life comfortable, but in the grand scheme of things, the real value in life is the relationships we have. 

It's really a lesson we should take from the bible.  Jesus wasn't about stuff - he was about relationships.  So much so that he gave his life for us.  We should follow his example and place the the value in life not on stuff but on relationships.  Family and friends are the great things in life.

I am enjoying renewing some relationships this weekend.  It means a lot that you can live, love and laugh!  Come on down the the "Crass Casita & Spa" and spend some time!  We'll have a glass of wine and enjoy life!

The Southern Funeral

On Monday a great man was honored and laid to rest in Bowie County, Texas.  James Barfield was the most wonderful father in law ever.  His legacy is three wonderful children and six delightful grandchildren and an enduring love for his devoted wife, Ann.  The wonderful thing about a Southern funeral is that folks turn out in mass to honor a great man.  It is the honoring of that life for the family to understand how special a person he or she was on this earth. 

Greatness was a trait that James Barfield (Jabo as his family affectionately referred to as) exemplified on a daily basis.  His life was spent making this world a better place for his family, friends and employees.  He was generous to a fault, honest in all his dealings, was unconditional in his forgiveness of other's transgressions and his character was above reproach.  The funeral of this man was well attended.  The church overflowed with those who were saddened by this loss.  Food was abundant at the home and the church.  Those leaving condolences at the home, at visitation, and at the funeral home were many.

This ritual of a southern funeral is steeped in tradition.  I am glad to be southern.  I am  blessed to have been a part of Jabo's family and life!  God Bless you, Jabo.  May Heaven rejoice in your homecoming!

Vacation

The worst thing about coming home from a long trip is the laundry.  When you return, it seems to have multiplied in your bag.  I have decided henceforth that when I go on vacation in the future, I shall plan a complete day when I return that I do nothing but dedicate to my laundry.  I need tips on keeping up with the wash!

Dining with Butter

Today I had an amazing meal.  I dined at the famous Lady & Sons restaurant - the home of Paula Deen.  It was as if I were sitting at my grandmother's table on Sunday all over again.  Hoecakes with collard greens on top of them.  Peas, butter beans, cream corn, mashed potatoes with BROWN gravy, rice, sweet potatoes and cheese and macaroni.  Let's not forget the meat - fried chicken and baked ribs with BBQ sauce.  AND BUTTER!  There was plenty of it in all of those great dishes.

My Grannie Lester cooked like that all of the time.  My Mother didn't becuase of father's heart condition - she cooked baked food with lo fat margerine - much healthier for all of us.  My Grannie's cooking was delicious.  Of course she and my Daddy Bill could eat like that because they worked outside from early in the morning until late in the evening.  My Grannie didn't have a dryer - she hung her clothes on the line outside.  She raised chickens.  She fished.  She walked to the mailbox.  She never sat down except from 2-3 p.m. every day to watch her "story" - Another World.  Then she was up and on the go again, always working.

The point of this story is this........if you work hard everyday - you can eat butter!!  Love you Paula for bringing back some wonderful childhood memories today!

RIP Scooby

I am very sad today.   Our family has lost an important member - our dog Scooby.  Technically, he is my son's dog.  However, I will never forget the day we brought him home from the pound in December of 2000.  I was not ready to get another dog after the loss of Rascal (which is a whole other blog).   I argued with my Daddy when he insisted that a 12 year old boy needs a dog.  Of course Jake and my Daddy wore me down and Scooby came home with us.  She was a great dog - housetrained already.  I made her live in the back yard.  Jake would sneak her in every day for some inside time and let her in at night thinking I was asleep.

Eventually, Scooby went to live with my parents.  My Daddy said he was taking care of Scooby "for Jake".  My Mother fussed about Scooby much like I did, but she too fell in love with the dog.  She would "cook" for Scooby as she got older and make sure she was warm and dry.  She would "let her in" when there were thunderstorms.  Everyone in the family grew to love that wonderful little black dog.

Scooby and Jake spent many hours on the farm squirrell hunting.  When Jake moved to Alaska, Daddy and Scooby would walk through the woods so Scooby would not miss Jake so much.  When Jake would return from Alaska each year, I can't tell who he missed the most - me or the dog.  At the end of each telephone conversation, he would always ask if we were taking care of Scooby.

Scooby was a smart dog.  Jake taught her lots of tricks.  She was polite, never barked, didn't bite and even loved kids.  When Mom & Dad enclosed the porch last year, Daddy paid $200 for a top of the line doggie door for Scooby.  Daddy and Scooby sat on the porch a lot lately.  Daddy has been plagued with foot problems and he and Scooby talked a lot on that porch. 



This morning, Scooby did not want to get up.  She was not well.  Jake called to see if we thought she was sick last night.  Finally at 9:00 this morning, he put her in his truck to take her to the vet.  He wanted his dog to not hurt or be sick.  On the way to the vet this morning, Scooby took her last breath.  I think it is remarkable that she waited until she was alone with Jake.  They said their goodbye's in private. 

Last night I said goodbye to Scooby and didn't realize it was REALLY goodby.  When I left, I bent down to pet her and told her what I always do.  I said, "Scooby, take care of 'em around here.   See ya soon ole girl.".  I wish I had known that I wouldn't see her again.  I would have taken a bit more time to give her a final hug. 



 My heart is breaking this morning as my son will bury his beloved Scooby at the cemetary at the farm where she will join Lou (my Daddy's birdog), Valentine (Jake's goat), and Windy, (the farm horse).  I guess that is a final less for us all.  We never know how much time we have with those we love.  Hug them often.  Express your heart openly.  Don't be afraid to love. 



 



RIP Scooby Dooby Do.  We will miss you terribly.